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Find Healing and Forgiveness and SOAR!

Deuteronomy 32:11
Like an eagle that stirs up its nest,
That hovers over its young,
He spread His wings and caught them,
He carried them on His pinions.

This page is also very close to my heart. I have the utmost concern and compassion for all women who have been trapped by the pernicious net of 'abortion-on-demand'. All its promises have failed; all its lies burn, sting, erode, and destroy. I have only one message: come to Jesus. Be His child, and let Him hover over you, spreading His wings to catch you; let Him carry you on His pinions. Do not despair: there is a way that leads to life and hope, and you are not alone. 

[This site currently under construction.] 

I have not had an abortion, but I have had six miscarriages. After the first two miscarriages, 
I was able to carry my son until the 7th month of my pregnancy, when my water broke and I spent a week in the hospital. My son was born cesarian in his 33rd week and spent five weeks
in the NICU. I eventually had four more miscarriages. My husband stayed with me the whole time; he never wavered. And finally I stopped getting pregnant. I thought it was my fault—but it probably wasn't. I could tell almost immediately every time I got pregnant; I could feel changes
in my body right away, within days. I know it's not like that for everyone.
But I also know that as soon as you realize you are pregnant, you start to think about that child.
Even if you are afraid of what will happen next, you start to imagine what they will look like, what color their hair and eyes will be. You wonder if it's a boy or a girl.
It's not something you try to do; it just happens.
I suppose it could be attributed to hormones, or motherly instinct. 

So I understand the loss, and some of the guilt; I understand the pain, if not the desperation; I understand the crushing grief of a stolen promise. The doctors had no answers for me, so in that respect I understand the unspoken accusations, the cruel assumptions. 

I have tremendous compassion for all women caught in this trap.

"No woman wants an abortion as she wants an ice cream cone or a Porsche.
She wants an abortion as an animal caught in a trap wants to gnaw off its own leg."
-Frederica Mathewes-Green

Our society is strongly predisposed to preserving this 'feminine rite' as a symbol of progress in the struggle for equality against 'male oppression'. You've heard the mantras: I have control over my own body; no one has the right to force me to carry a child and give birth; I have reproductive choice and sexual freedom. Some of the more militant feminists flaunt their abortions, claiming they are now free to enjoy any and all intimate encounters, as often as they want, just like men.
A few boast of their multiple abortions. Perhaps their hearts really are that hardened.
But for the majority of women who capitulate to this violent sacrament it is devastating,
physically, emotionally, and spiritually. 

It starts with believing The Lie. 

The Lie is: an unwanted, unplanned baby will ruin your life; in order to preserve your future, you have no other choice. You're too young, you won't be able to go to school, you won't find a good husband, you will be stuck at home with three or four babies for the rest of your life, you'll never make anything of yourself; or, you already have two kids, you don't want any more children; or, you're too old to have a baby now, you want to move out of this phase of life, this will disrupt and ruin all your plans for the future. Even our politicians suggest that these things are true.

The Lie is: the earlier you abort, the easier it is. If you can't feel any changes in your body yet; if no one can tell that you are pregnant; if no one else knows but you and the school nurse and the doctor; then perhaps there won't be any repercussions. Perhaps it won't even count. Perhaps you can get away with it. You don't have any other choice. "No one needs to know." (Just bring the money.)

The Lie is: a child in the womb is not yet fully human; it's just a blob of tissue; it doesn't feel anything because it's not real; you're not killing a child, you're just removing tissue and setting yourself free. You have no other choice. Obviously that leaves many questions: is it half-human? is it not human at all until it is born? does the birthing process somehow transform a blob of tissue into a fully-formed human being? Yes, these questions are bordering on the ridiculous. But women who are trapped in this situation are facing many unpleasant choices, and it becomes easy to grasp at straws when they feel they are drowning and can see nothing but the desperate lifeline of abortion.

The Lie is: it's really never too late, there are ways to get rid of it; don't you worry, we'll take care of everything; you don't want to be burdened with this for the rest of your life; when this is over you will be free to go back to your life the way it was, everything will be fine; this will just be a brief memory that you will soon forget. You don't have any other choice. And someday, when you are ready, you can have a baby then.

It's all lies. None of it is true, but you won't know that until later. Sometimes within a few minutes or hours; sometimes not for years or even decades. You will find out you were lied to when the nightmares start and won't end. You will be reminded on the abortion date, or what would have been the due date. You will be haunted when you hear a baby cry. You will be tormented when you are not able to become pregnant again, and 'when you are ready' but it is no longer possible. You will wonder why you thought it would be too difficult; why you thought you couldn't do it; why you allowed yourself to be convinced that this was in any way a good choice—the only choice you had. You will grieve, in one way or another, for your naiveté, and your innocence, and your foolishness. You will grieve your many losses.

You believed the lies because you were desperate. You gave in because you really thought, at the time, that this would be best for you and any future child. You didn't want to face the consequences of a series of bad choices, or you were manipulated or forced so that you had no choice about getting pregnant. You were desperate for a way out. You had no support from any quarter, either your partner or your family or society, and you didn't know there was help available, or where to get it. You didn't even know there were other options besides abortion, and no one talked about what else could be done. The people you talked to believed the lie, and it was easiest to just agree. But now you know, it was all a lie.​ 
The truth is painful, but it is simple and straightforward. 

The truth is: the moment you become pregnant, you are a mother. Whether that child is aborted, miscarried, or dies after birth, you will forever be a mother. Nothing will ever be the same for you, psychologically, physically, spiritually, and emotionally.

The truth is: you cannot become 'unpregnant,' no matter what you do or however much you may want it to be different. You are in the situation, and you must face it; it will not go away, even if you have an abortion.

The truth is: there ARE other options besides abortion. Good and workable solutions, that you weren't told about, or you were led to believe those choices would be unreasonable or impractical 'for your situation'. 

The truth is: you are not alone, and there are people who want to support you and walk with you through your journey. There are safehouses and group homes, where you can live and plan a future, with or without your child.

The truth is: abortion-on-demand is big business. Planned Parenthood alone (out of all abortion providers) made 58.8 million dollars profit in 2015 for abortions performed. Not consultations, not counseling, not follow-up, and not education—just abortions. Their total income was nearly 1.3 billion dollars, including government and private funds.
You will want to know what you can do now; where do you go from here. 

There is help; there is hope; and there is healing. You have not committed 'the unpardonable sin'. You can find forgiveness and wholeness, and you can have a good and productive life. It might start here, when you look at yourself in the mirror and admit, "I did that." Confession is good and necessary. Repentance means changing your mind about what you did, and turning away from it, and realizing you never want to do that again. You will need a strong support group, and people who understand and care about what you are now facing. 

Many churches have recovery support groups, and there are hundreds of pregnancy centers that offer healing support groups.